Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Continuing the list

I'm learning so much...

6.  Shave. 
I would give up, but I'm still wearing my beloved, cool, no-wrinkle, no-cares jersey knit dresses.  They are all above the knee, so the razor really needs to hit half a leg for a while longer.  Especially if the 90-degree days don't end soon--but sheesh, could they?
Oh, and don't mention the word "wax."  Not going to do it.  I think that I'm just feminist enough (depends on who you're asking, I guess) to totally abhor the practice.

7.  Drive.
I've had to recline my driver's seat back like a hoodlum's seat just so Baby Girl doesn't get poked in the eyeball by one of my ribs.

8.  This fact isn't really harder to do, it's just a fact.  There are no more, "I might have to pee a little" moments.  They are all, "Oh my lord, there better be a bathroom stall open or no child, older woman, etc., are safe" moments.

9.  Laugh at full strength.  The reason comes from both #7 and #8.  Either she comes out with an oddly placed dimple or I embarrass myself.

10.  Not yell at spaced out teenagers.  I'm only a little sorry about "speaking at a raised level" to the 15-ish boy at the Dawsonville outlets.  He thought that I should open the door for him and let him walk through me.  He was wrong.

11.  Get rid of leg cramps.  This is not a new-pregnancy revelation, but I'm just now admitting that I may not have fully understood how painful they could be.  I used to yell at football players who writhed in pain on the middle of the field.  "Go eat a banana and drink some Gatorade," I would snidely suggest to them.  I used to be able to raise my toes for a few seconds and alleviate the pain, but now, in the middle of the night, I find myself punching my calf, trying to not let the tears in my eyes spill over.  I'm sorry, fellas.  I promise to have a more sympathetic football season.  Let's all go get some "tassium.