My husband was away for a few days and I came to a couple of conclusions during that time:
Jeopardy is not nearly as entertaining to watch if I'm not watching it with someone else. This is not because I answer a lot of clues correctly. It's because, perchance I do get one correct, I want someone to hear the audible. Once, (and I mean once,) I got the Final Jeopardy clue correct and none of the contestants did. I called my mom to tell her.
Next conclusion: one must resolve to the fact that not everything will get clean during a 30-second shower. You can only hope that tomorrow's 30 seconds will wrap everything else up. (Left side today, right side tomorrow. And no mom shaves her legs anymore, anyhow, right?)
I am an only child and, fitting the stereotype, I don't share very well, though that could be contributed to my tendency to keep things (don't say hoarding). No, this is not necessarily a new conclusion, just tuned a little to a different pitch.
My baby is beginning the first stage of crawling and makes some incredibly cute faces while she is trying. She will give up on going for the super-exciting rattle ball and pretend that the swatch of rug in front of her is exactly what she wanted. She will then proceed to talk endlessly to the 2 x 2 spot, catching it up on her day.
During one of these episodes this past week, I caught myself aching for my husband to be there, watching the baby with me. I got out the video camera, but the feeling did not pass as I recorded. I examined the thought that maybe it came from my deep hatred of washing the dishes, knowing that they were piling up. But no, it was not the dishes. I wanted him there on the floor with us, watching the baby's face of determination and wobbly legs along with me.
During a recent trip to the beach, I held Baby Girl, walking along the shoreline, letting my steps and the sounds of the waves put her to sleep. I walked, as any mother, with a lulling rhythm, clutching her, her clutching me and became attuned to the fact that God was near. Like many, I hear God's voice much more clearly when I am near water. Perhaps the womb experience is truly that unforgetable.
I was in the middle of creation and realized I was an active member. Like my friend Julie has wisely noted, having a child means we have become co-creators with God.
My baby and I have a wonderful connection and relationship. I love her immensly and cannot imagine a future world without her. I hate to leave her in the morning and long to pick her up during the day. I love sharing her; her smile makes others smile and that makes me proud.
I love the few moments that my husband and I, along with Baby Girl, get to steal from the busy, attention-demanding world. To enjoy her separately is still wonderful; to enjoy her together--incredible--I get to see the delight in her face as well as his.
All this came together in my head, thankfully, and I found that I had illustrated an important part of my theology. I believe that God is an active God, present and real in the interworkings of our daily lives. I believe that God continues to say, "let there be," and then call it good. I believe that while I smile at my husband and my baby, God smiles too, delighting in the shared experience.
And so, and so--God's hand is extended to me, to us, in a present-day act of sharing, and I, naturally a little selfish, have to remember to reach out my hand and share back. After all, sharing is not only just the right thing to do, the conclusion of sharing is that which makes life bright and vibrant, just as the view of an ocean scene.
Sunshine, come out from behind that cloud and play. This day is going to be just beautiful.